Before the next Republican presidential debate, I suggest the sponsors hop a plane to London and share a beer with Matthew Kempton.
In late 2014, the 34-year-old app developer, together with his partners James Mitchell and Tom Ollerton, created 3UP, a mobile messaging app that limited communication to three words. The concept made even 140-character tweets seem cumbersome.
The app never caught on; Kempton jokes that about 30 of his friends downloaded it, sending messages like “Hung over today!” and “Meet next week?” Today it can only be purchased in the UK’s App Store. Still, Kempton believes three word communication has merit, seeing that he and his partners spent several weeks using ONLY the app to communicate.
“We cut out a lot of the unnecessary crap,” he said. “Then, when we finally did meet up (in person), we found we really wanted to listen to each other.”
What a concept!
Like 24 million other Americans, I watched 10 candidates stand in a Cleveland sports arena earlier this month and listened to them blather on incessantly about how they would fix America. Frequently, they exceeded their one-minute allotted times, often veering farther off course than a Tiger Woods tee shot. Seriously, Governor Kasich, what does job growth in Ohio have to do with illegal immigration?
This is why I’m proposing the 3UP concept be applied to all future GOP debates, nine of which are tentatively scheduled. There should be three-word questions followed by, at most, three word answers. Only after the primaries are completed and a candidate chosen, can he or she share viewpoints in greater detail. In fact, let’s start with a do over of the Cleveland beauty pageant, er, debate. Same Fox News moderators, same candidates, same day of the week. The debate would last, at most, 15 minutes, meaning Fox wouldn’t have to preempt its stellar lineup of primetime Thursday shows like boom!, a “fun-filled, trivia-charged, slime-soaked, entertainment blast” according to the Fox website. Megyn Kelly, please begin.
“Welcome candidates to the ‘Less is More’ debate. I’m Megyn Kelly along with Bret Baier and Chris Wallace. Gentlemen, you know the rules. Of course, the three-word format means I can’t ask my first question, ‘Why isn’t the camera on me more often?’ Mr. Trump, first question to you. View of women?”
“I love ’em!”
“All of them?”
“Except Rosie O’Donnell.”
“Pardon me, Megyn, but that was a four-word answer.”
“O’Donnell is one word, Mr. Huckabee. Not two. Bret, your question.”
“Thanks Megyn. Dr. Carson, who are you?”
“I’m a neurosurgeon.”
“Any political experience?”
“Care to rephrase? You’re entitled to an extra word.”
“None. Vote me!”
“Thank you. Chris, your question.”
“Senator Rubio, thoughts on immigration?”
“Build a fence.”
“If illegals tunnel?”
“Guard the tunnel!”
“Send rapists home!”
“Thank you, Mr. Trump, but that question was for Senator Rubio. We’ll hear from you later, time permitting. The next question goes to Governor Christie. Collect phone records?”
“Yeah, do it!”
“Only from terrorists.”
“That’s ridiculous, Rand.”
“You’re ridiculous, Chris.”
“Put ’em up!”
(CHRISTIE RAISES FISTS AT RAND PAUL AS AUDIENCE HOOTS AND APPLAUDS IN EAGER ANTICIPATION. KELLY INTERVENES)
“Gentlemen, calm down. But thank you both for threatening each other within the rules. As you know, we were going to take questions from Facebooks users, but not a single user submitted a three word question. That’s not surprising considering nobody is ever brief and concise when using Facebook. So, I’ll ask the next question. Governor Walker, still pro-life?”
“With no exceptions?”
“Never considered any.”
“Is that reasonable?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“Thank you, Governor. Bret, you’re up.”
“Thanks, Megyn. Jeb Bush, let’s discuss jobs. Create how many?”
“That’s NEW jobs?”
“Give or take.”
“What percent growth?”
“Four sounds good.”
“So, just to reiterate to the viewing audience, Jeb Bush has promised 19 million new jobs and four percent economic growth. That’s correct, sir?”
“Sounds about right.”
“Thank you. Megyn, you get the final question.”
“Thanks, Brett. I’ll make it brief. Mr. Trump, Republican or Democrat?”
“I’ve supported both.”
“Which are you?”
“Not nice Megyn.”
“Answer the question.”
“I smell blood.”
“And we’re done. On behalf of my colleagues, I’m Megyn Kelly. To view the top six seconds of this debate, please download the Vine app.”
2015 GREG SCHWEM. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.
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Comedy – The Huffington Post
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